What the fuck was that?

Last night I went into the city and, among other things, saw Evil Dead: The Musical.  It was that or The Wedding Singer.  I was tepid about The Wedding Singer since I had not actually heard anything really good about it.  Evil Dead, I was expecting something campy and goofy.  It was that, but also so much more.  It was flat out good.  Really good. The theatre itself was about 2 stories below ground.  It felt like a bunker and looked like a cross between a performance theatre and a movie theatre.  It was at the New World Stages.  Nice venue.  The bathrooms are really small but they serve you shots (for $4 a pop) from the comfort of your own seat. As for the show itself.  There is a splatter zone of the first 3 rows.  Don't worry, they give you ponchos.  And they were needed.  The show starts off funny and light and goofy.  It's self aware and cracks at Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell once or twice.  And you expect that.  You go in with your expectations high for pop culture reference and low for an actual musical.  But what is this, dear reader?  Oh, the music is good.  And the performers are so full of energy that cutting of a limb or two won't bring them down.  The songs are bouncy and actually move the story along.  When there's a song in a musical it usually takes one of two forms:

1. The song sums up the action and tells you what you already know.  But it does it in song.
2. The song starts narrating but then plot occurs in the song.  These songs happen during action.

What impressed me most about Evil Dead was that when the songs were off the wall and seemed to be only for comic value they were grounded (to an extent) by becoming type 2 songs.  For instance, there's a male/male tango called "What the fuck was that".  It is funny and silly.  But then things happen during the song and it pushes things forward.  It's not a wasted spot.  Star Wars: The Musical suffers from being completely type 1.  That's not totally fair, I know, since it's only a soundtrack and was never performed.  But it's a musical where not a single song is necessary.  Evil Dead seems crafted to avoid this.  The actual composition makes it so there's not a single song where you feel like they wasted your time.  And in a musical based on a crap movie about zombies who's star is now famous for his chin, that's not an easy task.  It is a quality show. The soundtrack comes out next month and I will be waiting on the edge of my seat to get it.  If anyone is interested in going to the city to see it with me, let me know.  Tickets are cheap, 50% off at TKTS, and the splatter zone is super cheap.  See you there. And happy gentile new year.

Links and news and nearly nothing original...

Well, I think a proper entry back into the world of blogging should consist of nearly all recycled material.  After all, that is the most classic form of the blog.  So here's exactly that: news you've missed and, what the hell, a quiz result.

Locke 54% Skepticism, 13% Religiosity, 30% Dogmatism, 55% Originality

Notable more for his political philosophy, he is nevertheless studied as the first person to refute the notion that we have innate ideas.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 99% on Skepticism You scored higher than 99% on Religiosity You scored higher than 99% on Dogmatism You scored higher than 99% on Originality

Link: The Which Philosopher are you? Test written by jacostyle on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

I don't know how I feel about the "higher than 99%" on everything.  Hell, it's a web quiz.  Ok, no more caring about that.  Onto the news.

Pop Culture

This is frickin' awesome.  This was/is the greatest show ever aired.  Period.  Joss Whedon probably agrees with me on this point.  It's smart, funny, dry, cheaply made and incredibly cerebral.  With spies.  It's like X-Files on LSD, but with more conspiracy and fewer episodes.  The remake (sort of) as Nowhere man was good.  Very good.  And Christopher Nolan is doing the movie!  I trust him.  After Batman Begins I would trust him.  After The Prestige I don't have a doubt.  As for the show, I'm flat out excited.  The new Dr. Who shows that they can breathe new life into their own TV remakes.  Compare this to the Americanization of Coupling and The Office.  NBC will kill it.  BBC will knock the concept around enough that it's not going to be the old series with new special effects.

Joe Quesada and Stephen King.  Together.  Pray for a terrorist to fly a plane into this panel.  This event could possibly be the most awful concentration of crap ever.  I don't mean crap as in bad.  I mean crap as in the negative force against talent in the universe.  Crap comparable to the ancient Greek element of Aether.  Crap as in a defining part of creation.  The bad part.  May I enlighten my readers to an anecdote that occurred the last Wizard Con I went to.  I turned to Chad at the Marvel panel and warned him that Joe Quesada sucks.  I told him that I wasn't trying to get him to leave.  Simply warning him that Joe Quesada is, in fact, a true and holy douche bag.  About 15 to 20 minutes into his speech Joe told everyone in the audience that, yes, he is a douche bag.  And I don't even want to go into the multi-faceted world of terrible writing that is Stephen King.  Ok, I make an exception for anything that's not horror, except his Entertainment Weekly column.  But when you're know for you prolific horror writing, ignoring it when judging your talent isn't really an effective approach.

And here's something just for fun.

News

Let's start out with the current Jesus themed science article of the month: Virgin dragon to give birth in holiday season.  I find this flat out amazing.  Not because it's a possible way to keep endangered animals around without mates.  That's really not feasible since you can't induce this and komodo dragons aren't as endangered as, say, the Baiji Yangtze Dolphin.  No, I just think that this is an amazing accomplishment for a species.  It's the biological equivalent of cloning.  The baby has the same genetic structure as the mother.  You can make all sorts of jokes about men being obsolete or "where's the fun in that" but for an animal this complex (compared to the flies and insects that do this on a regular basis) this is just nuts. 

In the world of politics, this just popped up on a number of news sources.  Bo to the NRA and all that.  Yea to the constitution, logic and the like.  All that aside, the art in this is gorgeous.  The style is strong and very industrial.  Considering the content it's probably a good choice as well as god looking.  I want a copy.  I won't read it unless I want a laugh, but I'll look at the pictures.  But as for the actually depictions, boo.  Not that I'd expect more from the NRA, and it is propaganda after all, but it's so far over the edge as to be laughable from any perspective.  The more balanced propaganda looks, the more dangerous it becomes.  It's not scary so much as disappointing.  Here are links to two interesting studies that have nothing to do with each other.  This shouldn't be a surprise to anybody but this should surprise everyone. Holiday I know I missed doing a Hannukah post but I am in time for Christmas.  I know that a lot of people who read this would like to listen to the Queen Mum's Christmas broadcast on the BBC but how many of you can get radio BBC reception all the way across the pond?  Never fear; internet to the rescue!  It's not up yet since it's not actually Christmas.  If there are any of you out there who don't read up on Web Zen (seriously, because the Queen's broadcast was more of a joke) then you should at least check out their winter links.  How to preserve a snowflake and My Charlie Brown Christmas by the Scrubs (also on youtube) cast are the highlights.  Xmas-Kitten is by far the low point.  By any standard. A great concept; here are volumes one and two of your favorite Christmas songs played in an evil minor key.  Hey, now they sorta sound like Jewish songs... Ok, that's it for my link-vomit post.  I swear, next time I'll have an opinion or something that's actually constructive.  No more leeching.  Happy birthday Jesus.

In memorial

Lucas

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

Ok, so it's been about half a year since my last update. Not that I've been out of touch with people that long. Instead, I've just simply forgotten to update my blog. Much has happened, but I've been talking to people instead of posting. How anti-social. Here's the quick version. If you want more detail, get in touch.

Since I've gotten engaged:

• left Borders
• left Barnes and Noble
• got a job at a digital archiving company, so I'm out of retail
• got a job at a library, which is what a lot of MLIS grads say they wish they had done first
• moved out of my house and into an apartment with what's-her-name
• had a kick-ass halloween costume, went to the NYC parade with a certain someone in a sexy halloween costume
• failed to write a novel in one month
• mentioned that "time Lisa Loeb wanted to look at my CDs" so many times that no one wants to hear that again. really, they want me to stop it.
• got even more Hello Kitty presents
• Lucas isn't doing well
• have started reading again
• listen to audio books for about 6 hours a day
• have switched (pretty damn successfully) over to a digital SLR from film
• am much more in touch with the news

That's a pretty good catch-up list, I do believe. Life has been all over the place. Ups and downs. Good things and bad. I've been to the futuer. I've been to the past. I've been all around the afterlife. Oh, wait. That wasn't me. I've had a SNICK party. I've had a cookie party. And now you're up to date for the past 6 months, Cliff's Notes style.

I'm going to be blogging more from now on. I've threatened promised that before but this time around I am on a mission to write more all around. I'm hoping that posting on a regular basis will help keep me on track. Worst case scenario, I'll just have a lot of book and movie reviews up. More likely than not I'll toss out personal anecdotes and news commentary with that ascerbic Spidey (Jerusalem) style that you've all come to know and, if not love, then at least need like a burning junky jones. That said, I'll probably be leaving a real post tomorrow.


P.S. (Or am I supposed to say EDIT now?)  If anyone can recommend any good audio books, that's all I do at work.  Well, not all.  Anyway, let me know.

For those who don't already know

    In case you have not yet head the news:

It's official:


I'm engaged!

    If you want pictures of my trip and engagement, they will be up shortly.  If you want to hear the stories for yourself, drop a line.

It's clobbering time.

    Oh lord, there's so much to tell you people about.  Some of you have already seen some of this. Some of you saw a bit in the printouts I brought in today.  You see, out there, I have this system.  I gather all sorts of news feeds and then print out my own newspaper.  It's a great system.  It gives a more complete world view and I end up skimming a lot less than I do online.  So, onto the news!

    For anyone complaining about gas prices, take a look at the situation in Zimbabwe.  Yes, that's right.  In about 3 months it will be cheaper to wipe your ass with a $500 bill than to actually buy the toilet paper.  That's a problem.  And why am I freaking out about this when I tend to expect no less for the world political arena?  Because the sheer magnitude is astounding.  A lot of my friends know that I'm an anapoliticist.  I've given up on everyone.  We also know that nearly everyone has been using Africa as a testing ground for corruption techniques and weapons plans.  You want to try out a new weapon in the quest for refined urban warfare?  Try it in Africa.  But fuck, man!  80% unemployment!  That's not a functioning society.   This is an issue.  And it's not getting nearly the coverage it should.  Honestly, how many of you have heard about this before now?  When I'm your best source for international news you're in trouble.

    Steve Colbert's White House Correspondents Dinner address has also been snubbed by major media. You can read about many of the snubs here.  In fact, the news is now covering The News' lack of response more than the address itself.  So watch it. Read it, if the moving pictures and sound are a bit too much to take in all at once.  But most of all, not the incredible uncomfortable silence in the room during the entire thing.

    All riled up in political indignation?  Good, because I have more to fan the flames of anger.  This little bit will show you that, while signing legislation, Bush actually announced that it did not apply to him simply because he's the commander in chief.  I'm conflicted now.  Normally I'd make a sarcastic, witty quip.  However, I'm completely hooked on an image; I wonder how loud the echo from Bush's completely empty cranial cavity would be should he just happen to be shot in the head.  I think it would be deafening.  I know it's not as subtle as I usually play it, but it's completely taken over my mental functions.  I wonder...

    Then it's just a hop, skip and a jump away to Neil Pollack's blog.  Yes, it's on a smaller scale, but boy howdy does it show how fucked up "Ameerihcans" can be.  Really, keep repeating it to yourself.  One day it just might come true.  These are the same people who come into the store and repeat book titles over and over to me, even when I'm at the registers.  Saying it a lot doesn't make it true.  It does, however, let everyone know that you're not listening to a word.

    And now for something completely different.

I swear I'll start writing my own entries soon.

My pirate name is:

Mad Morty Rackham

Every pirate is a little bit crazy. You, though, are more than just a little bit. You have the good fortune of having a good name, since Rackham (pronounced RACKem, not rack-ham) is one of the coolest sounding surnames for a pirate. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.

A mallard is trapped in an indy rock conversation.
One of the best.
Can you spot the Mark Twain reference?
Funny until you realize it's all too real. And we will be buried under ice.
Awesome  and Awesome-er.

And some real news.

Aww yeah.

    Happy Resurrection Day.  That's what they called it at services this morning.  Not Easter.  I like it, though.  It sounds more religious.  Less secular.  More creepy.  All of which is true.  And the communion?  Matzos.  I loved it!  Not that I had any.  It would have been a bit weird for me.  I'm open to learning about other religions and all, but cannibalistic idol worship practices are just something I can't seem to get into.  After that I went to check out some apartments.  The neighborhood looks pretty nice and they are the cheapest we found.  This Saturday I'll make an appointment to look around inside.  Here's hoping.  If anyone knows things, good or bad, about the Princeton Arms then please tell.

    On a different note, I found some great links today.  Here they are:

• Lord of the Rings.  It's done with Marshmallow Peeps.  Enough said, eh?  I found it linked off this site which is also interesting.
  

• Yet another way that Bush is breaking the law.  Now, with Ipods.
  

• I know I usually rant against fan-fic but this was too good to pass up.  It's McGriddle fan-fiction.  Yes, a fan-fic community based on that heathenistic, mouthwatering duke of guilty pleasures.  This one is too good to miss.
  

    That's it for now, but I will try to post more than before.  I'm also working on a gallery from my recent Disney trip.  Very fun, very eventful.

    I nearly forgot!!!  After a few months of forgetting I had a subscription, I'm back to watching my Netflix.  If you have any movie suggestions, please leave a comment.

        Well folks, it was that time again.  Yes, The PREx called and I heeded.  My tape adapter for my mp3 player has broken.  The cable jiggles channels of sound in and out so I'm stuck on CDs.  If you've sat shotgun in my car recently then you will already have seen what happens when I convert to CDs again.  I try to keep the same amount of music handy.  How many CDs on a 20 gig IRiver?  A lot.  So it's a bit of a mess.  What do I do?  I go get more CDs.

Jelousy and Diamond Autistic Daughters	III Yoshida Brothers	Rock Animals Shonen Knife
Be Careful What You Call Home Paul Duncan	Tales of the Forgotten Melodies Wax Tailor	French Cuisine Alif Tree
Radio Blackout T. Raumschmiere	Blitzkrieg Pop T. Raumschmiere	Spike Elvis Costello

    I can't give a full review right now because... I just got them.  In fact, a good number were random picks so I don't even know what the bands are like.  There is a standout among the new ones, though.  The Yoshida Brothers.  From the sampling that I've had they sound like a pop/jazz group that only performs on traditional Eastern instruments.  And it's good.  The other buys that shocked my socks was the 2 discs from T. Raumschmiere.  I heard a single off of Radio Blackout a few years back, "Monstertruckdriver", and have been dying to get my hands on it but not pay outrageous import prices.  I got these 2 for $1.99 and $3.99.  Not bad.  PREx shall provideth.  The song sounds like a mix between Kish Kash Basement Jaxx and Flood They Might Be Giants.  Having a hard time imagining that?  You should, it's a pretty screwed up combo.  But now I have that song, along with what looks to be the video and 3 or 4 more videos too.  Shiny.

    Ah, the other musical tid-bit I've been talking up: K.T. Tunstall's live performance of "Black Horse and a Cherry Tree".  There it is.  I'm not even gong to include the auto-stream that OurMedia generated because the audio is crap.  She looks a lot like Jewel, so don't be put off by that shock.  The performance is sick.  She has this loop pedal that handles like a champ.  The song sounds, well, not like the album version, but certainly not like it was performed with only her on stage.

Nutty McNut-nut

    As some of you can tell, things have been a little nuts. For instance, take work. When I'm not explaining to a customer that a compilation CD is by different artists, and that all the tracks are not the same, I'm having my car shrink-wrapped. Yeah. Shrink wrapped. For freshness. I have some Polaroids but they aren't scanned yet. I'll let you guys see them later.

    For those of you who I haven't invited yet, Allison is in The Rocky Horror Show. You people should come and see her. And other people. There's sex and cross-dressing and... well, it's Rocky. It's obvious what it has. Come and see it. It's at Villagers Theater. It plays every Friday and Saturday night at 8 pm, and Sundays at 2 pm. There's a special midnight show on the 24th, but it's already sold out. I told you guys to call for tickets. Anyway, I've been 3 times already and it's really fun. Shout-backs, props, tons of fun. So come. Just call 732-873-2710 to get tickets. To get there just take 1 north to 18 north. Take that to the Easton Ave. exit and take Easton until you get to DeMott Lane. A left onto DeMott and take that down to the Franklin Township Municipal Complex on your right. It's in there. If you want better directions, gimme a call.

    Now, onto my life. I've been re-reading Transmetropoitan recently. The first volume was put together nearly 10 years ago. I remember reading it and thinking, "My god, this city is nuts. Spider is nuts. And the technology is fucking nuts!" There's two main types of future sci-fi. There's satirical and there's prophetic. Hard science fiction tends to be prophetical, predicting the coming of tech. This is Greg Bear, Jack McDevitt and the like. Satirical parodies the present in many aspects. This is stuff like Ray Bradbury, Stanislaw Lem and Yevgeny Zamyatin. Most of Asimov's better work falls into both.
Transmet is satirical. That's why it's so strange that a lot of the tech is spot on. The politics are disgustingly real, but that's the point of the series. There is a presidential race and both candidates turn out to be of equal evil, no lesser. There's corruption; journalism is pressured byy the government to put on a happy face. Religions and cults have turned into the same thing. Sexuality is completely marketed. The society is ours, just louder.
    The tech, though, is also really close. Feed sites, for example, are streaming sources of information. People are out on the streets taking pictures and interviews to put up on feeds. Sometimes real news stories are covered up by the media and only picked up on private feeds. Sometimes these feeds are then bought by mass media and show. Feeds sound an awful lot like blogs, with their rising acceptability in the journalist sphere. The streams are just like atom and rss. What you're reading now. People on the streets writing them and posting? Hi. Feeds picking up news and the media passing? Did anyone out there see news on the Pittsburgh riots after the Superbowl? I bet you only did if you read 'burgh blogs.
    Spider has a set of glasses that take pics. They have an incredible 2 gig storage. At the time that was like talking about a terabyte. Of course, we'll get those soon as well. Pretty much the only thing we're missing are bowel disruptors and foglet communities. The sad thing is that the politics haven't gotten any farther from their cartoonish portrayals.

    I guess I'll close with those two b-sides I promised. These comprise volumes 4 and 5 of my box set. A bit less cohesive as the soundtrack parts, these are just theme comps. Not that I'm knocking them. They're good. So, listen, love 'em and count how many of the bands you never even heard of. I'll put up a track list next time.

4 - B Sides of Off Kilter Folk

5 - B Sides of Camp Await

... And we're back.

      Like I said, my good days are few and far between.  Today consisted of putting in for bereavement time and being told that making a new drink for our "Staff Creations" menu was a firing offense.  Fun fun fun.  I just think it's fuckin' stoopid to do that.  Not they bereavement thing, the drink thing.  I got the OK from the cafe supervisor and we have a big official "Staff Creations" menu in a large 3-ring binder.  And a price sheet.  It's considered stealing?  Do me a favor!  First of all, it was a small (literally, that was the size of the cup) drink.  I don't "create" a new drink every day.  And we get free coffee to begin with.  Which I don't partake of all that much.  I stick to tea and water.  For another, it's a fucking good drink!  Ass.
      On the brighter side of life, I've finished a mix I promised Jeff for Hannukah.  Not exactly an even trade, I know, but it's something.  It started as a simple mix, evolved into a holiday gift and then grew into a 5 volume extravaganza.  It's all complete, assembled and volumized, titled as well.  There are 3 main discs.  They are each soundtracks to ideas of films.  I gave Jeff an early listen to volume one.  If someone's going to get an advanced copy, it's going to be Jeff.  Well, me, then Jeff.  Anyway.  He liked it.  A lot.  Something about having "excellent focus on constancy and flow".  Of course he also said that I'm "an introspective but to the point of mental claustrophobia".
      The first three volumes are the main event.  After that there are two b-side collections.  Tonight, I will give you the first 3.  Soon, the b sides.  These are permanent links with unlimited bandwidth.  So download whenever you want, as often as you'd like.  This ain't no crappy-ass 7 day event.  Just to let you know.
      And so, I present you with

Dory My Firned
A Soundtrack in Parts

1 - Where a Brooding Hero is Introduced

2 - A Party Takes Place

3 - A Journey of Self Involved Discovery

      To listen, simply rename the .mms to .zip.  Extract and enjoy.   The up coming b sides are entitled 4 - B Sides of Off Kilter Folk and 5 - B Sides of Camp Await.  They are less coherent, but still carefully constructed.  The choices were more random, the placement more deliberate.  When I post them I'll also include a full track list for all the discs.  I apologize, but dics one is about 20 seconds over the 80 minute mark.  I may trim a bit and repost.  Till then, that is all.

Today was (finally) a good day.

       After an incredibly trying week, today was a good day. And I damn well deserved it. It started when I woke up, slowly and comfortably in the arms of my lover, with a terrible rain. A rain that washed away the snow and ice I was supposed to shovel today. Many a w00t was said. I came downstairs to the news that my car was fine, with a new battery, and ready to be picked up. Hoorah!        What could be next? A gift of A History of Violence (which I keep wanting to call A Short History of Violence...)? Finding that the Regal on route 1 is playing Fight Club for the forseable future? How about both. But I wasn't in the mood for Fight Club. Not today. Instead Al and I headed into Princeton and found that Tristram Shandy is playing at the cozy little theatre there, where I last went to and saw Pi. The movie was great, and an extended review will come shortly, but before that we did a PREx run. And look what I got. Now, keep in mind I haven't listened to all of these, nor even heard some of the bands, but it is still quite a good haul.

Stay Awake	Satan's Circus
Who Killed....... The Zutons? by The Zutons	The Way to Salvation by King Missle
All This Useless Beauty by Elvis Costello and the Attractions	Business as Usual by Men at Work
Singles Collection by Spandau Ballet	Orson Welles at the Movies

       Stay Awake is the only album I've had a chance to listen to. It's an interesting mix though; it's A bunch of A*M artists "reinterpreting" old Disney songs. Highlights include "Stay Awake" by Suzanne Vega, "Heigh Ho" by Tom Waits and Sun Ra's version of "Pink Elephants on Parade". It's all very creepy, all a bit off. In a good way. And the two pieces in the liner notes, one by Hal Willner and the other by Leonard Maltin, are both worth a read. The close of my day? Thomas' Sweets: chocolate malt and chocolate mousse ice cream, followed by a listen to Stay Awake and a more hit or miss album, The Gershiwn Project.

A quick update from the outpost

       This will be a fragmented update as my life doesn't have much of a linear flow at the moment.  The biggest thing is that I will be going to ComicCon.  I got a free 3 day pass from work and I think that qualifies me as hot shit.  Don't worry; you the viewer are yourself justified in your envy.  Of both my ComicCon excursion and my proper use of the semicolon.  Bitches.  I 've been working on my schedule and think I may take the con solo.  My tastes differ from most going (not graphic design or game or anime or manga oriented).  I am taking the panel discussion/comic writer/film screening route.  I am more a connoisseur than a fanboy.  If you ask anyone I like or work with (wink) then you'll know that I have not been this excited over an event since the president was chocking on a pretzel.  Ah, good times those were.  

       Moving backwards in time, I recently had a lovely Valentines day.  Al and I went ahead and celebrated it on the 10th, thereby beating the rush.  It was lovely, though there were some rocky instances dealing with trains.  We went to see The Producers.  It was funny.  Most of you know how I feel about Mel Brooks, but this was still good.  Comparisons to the movie don't apply.  What does is the energy it was assembled with.  The book, music, sets and all that.  Very well done.  In my own personal universe this sets the bar for a standard.  That may sound like a backhanded compliment but it's not.  Kudos, Mel.

       I've started a new book.  Well, not exactly new.  It was published in '98 and I bought it a few months ago.,  But I just found it in an old back-pack.  So it's new to me.  Anyway, I started it tonight and came across this entry:

I tied to copy other children but lacked their tough skin.  I was a glove turned inside-out, softness showing.  I was the visceral place between mouth and bowel, the region of digestion and rumination.  No doubt it is my spleen that refuses to locate the seat of reason in the head.  No doubt it is my natural acidity that fears the milkiness of the heart.        This story is a journey through the thinking gut.

And that is just sexy.  The book is called GUT Symmetries.  It plays on both the physical gut, the emotional seat of intuition and the G.U.T. (Grand Unified Theory).  It's romance, poetic prose and quantum physics.  Just a few pages in and my review is "lick this book". 

       In other book news, Trickster Makes This World is coming along beautifully.  I'm loving it, taking notes and readying myself for a series of short stories that have been turning around on the wheel for quite some time. 

      That's about it for now.  I hope to get some writing done this week.  It's been a while since I've been able to give myself time and put things down.  Maybe a portfolio for a newspaper application...

Virals and memes

Well, I see it's been about a month so I guess it's time to post again. It's been interesting and busy, but I'm not sure how much of the last month I want to hash out again so I'm going to keep this pretty light. Quick note, Kate is completely psychotic. I don't mean crazy like "dem crazy dames" or even Tom Cruise crazy. I mean "I don't know what reality is" crazy. If you read this, I just wanted to tell you. If not, it's still a good warning for everyone else. Virals. I've been telling people about some great sites and virals that I've come across recently. Since some are from friends of friends I thought it'd be nice to consolidate them. Someone posted the "Shining" re-edit preview a while back and that got me thinking to other edits. So I hunted them down like dirty animals and collected them here for you.

The Shining - One of the best, if not the best, I've seen. It's spot on and so tight. Not a wasted cut. And the sound choice is superb.

Titanic - I think this is from the same group. Also a good one, though easier material.

Brokeback to the Future - Oh, it's as bad as it sounds. But better...

Sleepless in Seattle - Cut too fast. It could have been sharper if they used longer bits. Funny, though.

Star WOz - A strange mash of Star Wars and Wizard of Oz. It has it's moments.

Lord of the Rink - A LOTR sports cut up for contest. It's cute, but it didn't win.

West Side Story - Now with zombies.

Psycho: A Love Story - This one isn't quite good but I put it here to be thorough. It takes the easy, heavy-handed way through the whole thing. Nice idea, bad follow through.

The Passion of Benny Hill - Chad told me to watch it. Need I say more? And just for him, this link.

Fast Times at Hero High - Actually, this is a really short film. The trailer is all original and one of the funniest things I've seen in fandom ever. Smooth move, Hamilton.

That's it for movies. The rest of this I got from someone else's blog so I can't take credit for finding them. This will take you to an awesome keyboard. I'm not kidding. It will make you wet, nerd or not. It's just... great aesthetics. This last link is to a Wired article about free and innovative games. Strange Attractors is addicting as anything, so be careful. Snood careful. Facade is sickeningly voyerisitic and enthralling. The fact that you can intterupt and say anything at any time is great. No choose your own adventure, this.

That's about it for web stuff. I'll be back soon, probably with some music reviews. Maybe politics. You know that's how I roll, folks.

And for some strange reason I can't indent on LJ anymore...

It's about time

       I've kept quiet about retail long enough.  I started another blog to get the steam out and then stopped posting as I grew accustomed to how stupid people are on a regular basis.  But today, today was awful.  The people were awful.  After today I deserve to bitch about what happened.  And I will now commence bitching in chronological order.

• "Are you affiliated with Barnes and Nobel?"  Are you huffing glue?  What sort of cave do you live in to think this?  It must be a cave with a build up of carbon monoxide that's killing your brain cells.  B&N...  Christ.
  
• Next up a guy was making a return with a woman's name on the receipt.  That's fine.  Whatever.  So he got a credit for buying other stuff.  Well, one of the CDs he was getting was not on as great a sale as he thought so he dropped a magazine.  He then started bitching about getting a $2 credit on a return card.  If he got the magazine he wouldn't have had the card.  I told him this but he just kept on ranting about the free money he was getting back.  Classy.
  
• "The title is 'Known'"  She proceeded to spell it.  I asked if there was any more to the title.  Like a good customer, she didn't know.  Did she know the author?  I asked and she responded by yelling, "You want to know everything, don't you?!"  Maria came up and handed her The Known World.  It was the right book.  I was then treated to a lecture on how good a sales-woman Maria was and how I asked too many questions.  Next time I simply won't ask anything at all and hand her the nearest book I can find.
  
• I met smelly guy for the first time.  He was lurking behind the drama section when I went to pull out a Bronte novel.  I've smelled him before but never this close.  I realized he was there a mere 5 feet away.  I instantly began developing a headache and my eyes started tearing.  This is not hyperbole, this guy is amazingly rank.  He has sued both a train line and a library for kicking him out based on his smell.  He smells bad as a career.  Later, he wandered over to the newspapers.  The info desk is about 20-30 feet away.  I pulled out the bottle of Axe Body Spray (put at info for this guy in particular) and had to spray.  The store reeked of body spray and smelly guy for an hour but it was better than just his smell.  I went back to drama and sprayed the chairs to try and cover his stench.  Eye-watering stench.  I think he could kill with this smell.  Death itself would gag in his presence.
  
• "Volomay."  Great way to start a conversation.  She wanted a book by Volomay.  When I asked her the title she shouted, yes shouted, "Volomay" a few times, louder each time.  I responded by asking her the title, saying the word "title" loud and slow so she could understand it as I understood Volomay.  And how did she spell Volomay, I asked.  "R-O-L-L-O M-A-Y".  Shout it again, bitch.
  
• Finally, the end of the night approached.  It looked like I was in the clear.  Alex and I were lounging at the register when up comes a couple.  "We're looking for Captain Corelli's Mandolin."  Alex and I paused, about to tell them that these were cash registers and not computers.  The computers were at the info desk.  As we opened our mouths the husband jumped in, very loudly, "Oh, I'm sorry!  Is this the cafe?"

       All this was a close second to the dread I had when I saw I was covering a certain someone's lunch in cafe.  Some people have heard me complain about her before.  Today I ran into Chad and described her as "Amelia Bedilia's younger sister, who has down syndrome".  Honestly!  We keep a journal in the cafe to keep the next shift up to date on what's going one.  I wrote that when making coffee she should also put in the coffee pot stems, the bit that actually pumps the coffee out into a cup.  In response, she wrote that she "has a system, but would gladly switch to mine".  I wrote back that it's not a "system", but how the coffee pots work.  Unbelievable.  I know that it's cool to "damn the man" and buck the system and all, but she's a fucking mess.  There's a system in the cafe not to oppress the baristas, but to make things easier on us.  One example is to do dishes.  Do we do this to piss of the dish washer?  No, we do this so the next person isn't left with 8 hours worth of dishes on their shift, something which this person often does.  Don't randomly move the different kinds of coffee beans to different shelves.  To keep the workers down?  No, so we don't brew regular and give them to people who order decaf.  Instead she moves them around and we've had to dump pot after pot because we don't know what we just brewed.  But at least she whines a lot.  And is slow.  That's got to count for something, right?  Incompetence personified.  I think what really gets to me is that not only is she terrible at everything she does, but she gets an attitude against fixing her mistakes.  I've heard someone stay that she just enjoys being angsty about things, that she likes pissing people off and being "rebellious".  I'd think that was true if I believed she actually put that much thought behind anything she does.  God, she is so vexing.  I bet if she left work would become easy, customers smarter and The Da Vinci Code would come out in paperback.

       Next issue: my shiny new commercial grade amp and box!

A found poem titled "Enchante"

Bath Salt Test Tube
Cocoa Spa Set Blue
Cocoa Spa Set Pink
Fizz Fun Bath Bucket
Fortune Cookie Bath Fizzie
Fortune Cookie Bath Fizzie