Book stores: A user's guide

Note:  This has also been posted at .  If you're in book retail, join.  If you're not, read it.  You'll be amused.  Or shocked.  Maybe both.

      I've come up with a don't list for customers in book stores.  These are simple, easy to follow rules.  I would have said that they're common sense, but apparently common isn't the right word.

Don't:

•       forgo a greeting, walk up to me and state the title of the book you want.  That is not a proper way to initiate any interaction, be it personal or business related.
•       drop a pile of books onto the information desk and stare at me.  The desk says "INFORMATION" in huge, capital letters.  If you give me money here it's a gift and will not entitle you to keep the books.
•       tell us about your medical problems.  Really, what are you thinking?
•       stand in the same spot when I start walking to show you where the book you want is.  I'm showing you where it is, not fetching it like an errand boy.  It's insulting.
•       walk in front of me when I go to show you where a book is.  I know where it is and you obviously don't.  The reason I am walking all the way around those tables is because you're in the way.  Move your ass out of my way.
•       hover over my shoulder when I'm looking up a book for you.  If I find something then I'll tell you.  Back off.  Personal space.
•       ask for the following books: (and quickly list 5 to 11 books).  What was that first title again?
•       pull the receipt off of the register while I'm bagging your books, getting your change or anything else that I'm doing for your benefit.  Where are your fucking manners?  Douche-bag.
•       complain when a product isn't where you think is should be.  We're a corporate chain.  The big higher-ups choose how to catalogue everything.  I know that some of the books are in the wrong section.  But hell, you didn't know to look for Steinbeck in the fiction section to begin with.  You're an idiot.
•       use my first name repeatedly.  You don't know me.  Stop pretending to.  It makes you seem awkward.
•       become angry when I tell you the book you haven't been able to find for the last year is actually out of print.  We don't choose what gets printed and what doesn't.  And yes, the used books seem more expensive than the new ones.  It's called an open market.  I can show you the section to go to if you want to find out about it.  It's the one under the huge sign that says "MONEY AND ECONOMICS".

      And here are the last two.  They are also the most important.  If you only follow two of these rules, have them be these.

•       Do not threaten to go to a competitor when we won't match prices or give you the same exact discount that you've seen at another store.  I am paid hourly.  I am not on commission.  If you can get it cheaper online or at another store, go for it.  I don't fucking care.  It's not like I get to pocket the difference.  Unless you try to pay at the information desk.
  
  
•       DO NOT leave piles of books and/or magazines on the floor, in another section or in the cafe.  In what retail situation do you think that's acceptable behavior?  A supermarket?  Clothing store?  Office supply store?  None!  nd it's not appropriate here, either.  Don't be an asshole.