Not much from the underground.

       Everyone should drop by my comic again.  No, it's not updated, but I did fix a few things.  The sidebar is formatted correctly now and I added a comment box so you can all tell me how fantastically crappy the drawings are.  I was actually thinking about writing Badly Drawn Boy and offering to do his next album art.  He's Badly Drawn Boy, I draw a boy badly... It's a match made in heaven.
       As for real comics, everyone should read Flight.  It's really interesting.  Being that it's an anthology there are some misses.  On the whole it's really good.  And it's the first time I've seen Copper in print.  Copper is fucking gorgeous! Flight volume 2 is out as well, though I haven't read it yet.
       In book news I finished Created in Darkness by Troubled Americans.  There were a few slow ones, and the one about the supreme court was a fantastic concept that just never paced well, but a bunch of the lists at the end had me laughing so hard!  I actually had to excuse myself and go upstairs because I just howling.  Read it or I will eat your soul.  I just started You Shall Know Our Velocity.  I haven't gotten very far, but it's good so far.  And it's Eggers so it will probably continue to rock.  Eggers just has this ability to jump between sarcasm and poetry that simply stuns.  It's the same factor that Sedaris is missing in his written work that Eggers own like a mother-fucker in all of his stuff. 
       Well, I'm off to catch Harvey Birdman and then The 4400.  Thank god I don't have to open tomorrow.

An eye for an eye

It's the Hoboken Jesus Emergency.  Did anyone get that reference?

Book stores: A user's guide

Note:  This has also been posted at .  If you're in book retail, join.  If you're not, read it.  You'll be amused.  Or shocked.  Maybe both.

      I've come up with a don't list for customers in book stores.  These are simple, easy to follow rules.  I would have said that they're common sense, but apparently common isn't the right word.

Don't:

•       forgo a greeting, walk up to me and state the title of the book you want.  That is not a proper way to initiate any interaction, be it personal or business related.
•       drop a pile of books onto the information desk and stare at me.  The desk says "INFORMATION" in huge, capital letters.  If you give me money here it's a gift and will not entitle you to keep the books.
•       tell us about your medical problems.  Really, what are you thinking?
•       stand in the same spot when I start walking to show you where the book you want is.  I'm showing you where it is, not fetching it like an errand boy.  It's insulting.
•       walk in front of me when I go to show you where a book is.  I know where it is and you obviously don't.  The reason I am walking all the way around those tables is because you're in the way.  Move your ass out of my way.
•       hover over my shoulder when I'm looking up a book for you.  If I find something then I'll tell you.  Back off.  Personal space.
•       ask for the following books: (and quickly list 5 to 11 books).  What was that first title again?
•       pull the receipt off of the register while I'm bagging your books, getting your change or anything else that I'm doing for your benefit.  Where are your fucking manners?  Douche-bag.
•       complain when a product isn't where you think is should be.  We're a corporate chain.  The big higher-ups choose how to catalogue everything.  I know that some of the books are in the wrong section.  But hell, you didn't know to look for Steinbeck in the fiction section to begin with.  You're an idiot.
•       use my first name repeatedly.  You don't know me.  Stop pretending to.  It makes you seem awkward.
•       become angry when I tell you the book you haven't been able to find for the last year is actually out of print.  We don't choose what gets printed and what doesn't.  And yes, the used books seem more expensive than the new ones.  It's called an open market.  I can show you the section to go to if you want to find out about it.  It's the one under the huge sign that says "MONEY AND ECONOMICS".

      And here are the last two.  They are also the most important.  If you only follow two of these rules, have them be these.

•       Do not threaten to go to a competitor when we won't match prices or give you the same exact discount that you've seen at another store.  I am paid hourly.  I am not on commission.  If you can get it cheaper online or at another store, go for it.  I don't fucking care.  It's not like I get to pocket the difference.  Unless you try to pay at the information desk.
  
  
•       DO NOT leave piles of books and/or magazines on the floor, in another section or in the cafe.  In what retail situation do you think that's acceptable behavior?  A supermarket?  Clothing store?  Office supply store?  None!  nd it's not appropriate here, either.  Don't be an asshole.

It was a day off. It was an off day.

     Oh, thank god I have a day off.  Not that I don't like work, but it's just so much time.  The commute, the busy work.  It takes it's toll.  Yesterday did have some good times, though, such as when Petter and Abby and I made fun of Mitch Hedberg for being dead.  It was so funny, joking about whether it would be stand up or propped up comedy and how it was a "new" recording than it would just be a blank CD.      I started reading Created in Darkness by Troubled Americans which is very promising so far.  It's a bunch of humor from McSweeney.  Oh, and there's an update for Freddy and the Scream.  Check it at the official web site or subscribe to it here at .  I guess that's it for now.  Oh, and keep the book recommendations coming.  I read fast.

Survey says:

     Is anyone put there really shocked?

Harry Potter Personality Quiz by Pirate Monkeys Inc.

These people...

            I’m going to open by saying that some of the dumbest people ever are in Arts High.  Last night there was an event, they had a reading in the store.  I was tipped off by the smiling, vacant girl wearing homemade wings standing outside the store.  She seemed like Angel from "Nash Bridges" but without the redeeming twists of fate and moments of wisdom.  Inside she ran into someone she knew and started screaming and hugging.  Yeah, that's the kind of people I had to deal with.  Preps in leather cowboy hats, girls in matching hipster caps and other people who try to hard.  And I can stomach these people in passing.  I’ve had to.  But then they come up and ask the dumbest questions, pick the most generic "artsy" music, have the most trite conversations ever!  Dear lord.  I wanted to just pick up a "White Mud Freeway" or "Grand Tourism" album and start beating them over the head.  If you’re going to be an elitist then at least pick the really food stuff.

 

            As for personal life, I’m still searching for a fantastic read.  I picked up a copy of "Stranger in a Strange Land".  It’s a classic and I haven't read it.  Maybe I’ll grab "Catch 22".  I know, I should have read it in 7^th grade, so sue me.

I feel the need... the need to read.

            So I just finished a book, The Intern Blues (interrupted by the newest Potter).  It was really good, but ridiculously heavy.  Nonfiction, 3 diaries of medical interns in New York.  Although I did read the Half-Blooded Prince, that was more of a coffee break than an actual book.  I’m asking for recommendations on what to read next.  I’m thinking fiction, not life-threateningly depressing and it doesn’t have to be a new release.  Recommend away.

 

            In other news, I’ve set up .  It’s an LJ group for anyone who is in the book business.  Come, join, and share your terrible customer stories.  I made it because I take notes on the assholes who come in all day long but didn't want this blog to turn into a constant bitch-fest.  So there's that as well.

A post from somewhere not so close to the edge.

            I have a job again.  Took up until now for them to get back to me, but I’m working again.  So once more I am selling books and brewing espresso.  I climb into the indie saddle and ride the caffeinated horse.  This time around I’m working at a different store.  Same chain, though.  I just don’t think I could deal with the management there.  The General Manager is just so… inept.  No more!  This new store is farther, but it seems more laid back and yet more organized.  I hope it’s worth the location.  Today, being my second day, was interesting.  I was in the café nearly the whole time and even had an hour all alone.  It’s been so long since I’ve been trained to professionally sling beans.  But I dealt and it went well.  Met some cool co-workers too, though it seems like everyone is leaving soon.  So, books and coffee.  Thanks for the degree, Pitt.

            In recreational news I’ve been reading a lot.  A book called The Intern Blues.  Most of my friends will already recognize the title from me talking about it.  It’s the diaries of 3 first year medical interns at a New York City hospital program.  And it’s incredible.  The lives these people lead are nuts.  The program is nuts.  The system for getting internships and the internships themselves are insane.  I recommend this even if you’re not into non-fiction.  Its narrative is strong enough to be read as a collection of stories.  But knowing that everything happened, it’s really mind-boggling. 

            I’ve also been watching a bunch of films from Netflix.  Finally got to Read or Die.  Not everything I expected but still well worth the time I spent watching it.  It’s about a nefarious plot to obtain rare Beethoven manuscripts by cloning obscure literary peoples, such as insect specialists and Zen monks, to do the villain's bidding.  The main agent fighting back has the ability to control paper. 

            Gossip?  Not much.  The lady and I have been to exhausted to fight or anything juicy like that.  And most friends are MIA, off schedule or working elsewhere so there hasn’t been much craziness.  Hence the reading and movie bonanza.  In fact, I’ve been getting most of my entertainment from a few select blogs.  And I’m not too ashamed to say that I revel at the fun some people I know are reporting and smirk at some of the problems I see other people causing for themselves.  And am I being blocked by a serial trouble-maker?  Oh, it’s so high-school I could plotz!

            Oh, and I nearly forgot.  I entered (by way of much parental prodding) a short fiction contest from Moment magazine.  If you don’t know the publication, ask your Jewish friends or their parents.  The results aren’t out until October so I will not be holding my breath until then.

Lots of stuff. As in items.

            Well, I have gone to media heaven.  It started with a Netflix account.  This thing is great, aside from the waiting for things to go through the mail.  I got fed up with Blockbuster not having a copy of The Lost Skeleton of Cadavera in stock.  I have the rewards things so if I get a new release I get a non-new release free.  Well, the only other movie I wanted was another new release (Primer).  So I was starting to feel a bit boned.  So I said screw that and a few days later got a Netflix account as a present.  Now I get movies delivered to my door and I get a new one as soon as I finish copying them and sending them back.  I mean…  Yeah, that’s pretty much it. 

Step two of media heaven happened about a week later.  Clarissa, Pete & Pete and Danger Mouse came in the mail!  You know what that means?  It means that I just need to copy Ren And Stimpy and burn Are You Afraid of The Dark.  Then: SNICK party at my place.  And it will rock.  I think I might even be able to get a hold of an episode of Roundhouse.  If anyone can help me with Roundhouse, let me know.  Elusive early 90’s bastard child of sketch comedy and cheesy choreography, I call on thee!

The final, and possibly most impressive, step of mission media heaven is Star Wars.  I have episodes 4-6 on DVD.  And not the way Lucas wants me to.  I have (with complete file system transfer) the Definitive Edition Laserdisc rips.  We’re talking no shrinking, full menu carry over, chapter breaks, commentary track and THX sound.  And not the Special Editions.  The original theatrical releases.  Han shoots first, Jabba doesn’t show up at the Mos Eisley Space Port and the Yub-Yub song is there in all its glory at the end of Jedi!

I know a lot of people out there will probably want copies because, honestly, I don’t think anyone out there would prefer the “special editions”.  Do you?  Nah.  I won’t sell them because that’s all super-illegal and kind of dick.  But what would be ruder is to not share them either.  If you want a set, drop a line. 

             I haven’t been planted in front of the TV for weeks, though.  I’ve seen some daylight.  Went to AC, breaking about even.  I saw Batman Begins on IMAX there, though that‘s back in front of a screen I guess.  A really big screen though!  I also went to a Renaissance Fair and ran into my friend Natalie at a diner afterwards.  Why are they called Renaissance Fairs?  They’re based around the dark ages so their timing is way off.  And some of those sword sellers are the most desperate, socially inept and undersexed wankers you’ll ever meet.  Honestly, someone should show up and reveal the secret that being a clingy, off colour-joke cracking, BO wafting hairy man with knives doesn’t make you an ideal choice as a friend or mate.  So, so creepy.