"I hate cake." That's what started all this today. I told my friend Ashly I hate cake and she called me a liar. She called me a liar because she asked if I still like cheesecake and ice cream cake. I told her I do and then she called me a liar. I sought the advice of friends, far and near. I researched. I looked up definitions and etymology. This is what I found.
When I say I hate cake, I'm referring to the spongy stuff. You all know what I mean. And that's what I meant. But I was now challenged with proving this is what cake really is. Which is hard. cheesecake and ice cream cake are both called cake. So what was I to do? The first step was to realize that "cake" has many different definitions. At some time or another I am sure you've had mud caked onto your shoes.
Kokon is the base, from old western Germanic. It used to mean "A flat, round loaf of bread". Neither of the two "cakes" that I do like would fall into that, but when's the last time you heard someone say "No! Kokon! Not cake." Probably never. So Let's look at what it means today.
Dictionary.com defines it as such:
cake /keɪk/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[keyk] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation noun, verb, caked, cak·ing. –noun | 1. | a sweet, baked, breadlike food, made with or without shortening, and usually containing flour, sugar, baking powder or soda, eggs, and liquid flavoring. |
| 2. | a flat, thin mass of bread, esp. unleavened bread. |
| 4. | a shaped or molded mass of other food: a fish cake. |
| 5. | a shaped or compressed mass: a cake of soap; a cake of ice. |
| 6. | Animal Husbandry. a compacted block of soybeans, cottonseeds, or linseeds from which the oil has been pressed, usually used as a feed or feed supplement for cattle. |
–verb (used with object) | 7. | to form into a crust or compact mass. |
–verb (used without object) | 8. | to become formed into a crust or compact mass. |
—Idioms |
This brings up an interesting distinction. Which version of cake do I hate? Well, to give both benefit of the doubt and to err on accuracy I will take definition 1. This is the standard version of cake. Whether you think so or not, this is what you ask for when you order cake. The stress here is on breadlike. I know that not all cakes contain flour. Passover cakes usually make use of a potato starch. But it is still breadlike and, to a degree,
relies on leavening. Since this is
cake I shall call this true, high cake. I hate true cake. But where do the exceptions come in? Let's take them one at a time, starting with the most abstract.
Ice cream cake. This confused me. It isn't nearly definition 1. Then what is it? Is it because of the shape? Maybe, but that's a bit loose of a definition for cake. In fact, ice cream cake is usually completely ice cream. Does ice cream become something different depending on the shape? Is it one thing in the gallon or pint containers and something else as a scoop? Are cups and cones two different forms of dessert? Looking through the definitions I see that 4 applies nicely. In fact, it appears that ice cream cake is
cake solely based on shape! Perhaps my friend was right, and I need to specify. Maybe when I say "I hate cake" people will assume I also hate foods that fall into my "love" range. But no. Look at the example: a fish cake. If you sat down and ordered cake and then was served a fish cake you would not accept that. Variations through chocolate, strawberry short, marble, pound and even coffee are all acceptable variances, but they all fall into the definition for true cake. So it's not safe to assume I mean anything in definition 4, or low cake, when I say I don't like cake. Ice cream cake is safe. It falls outside of the dessert formula of
cake.
But what of cheesecake?! My first thought was to try and use semantics to edge it out. Maybe it's one of those words that we use together so much (cheese and cake) that it is nearly a proper noun now. Like a warehouse. No one puts the words "housing" and "wares" together when they say it. It now means "large storage building" and not "housing for wares, or sellable goods". But that would be the easy way out. "Lawyering" if you will. And that's cheap. I'd be going by a population wide assumption to prove my point, and that's bad form. Perhaps... yes! Look closely at what true cake is. Cheesecake doesn't quite fall into that category. I tell this to my friend Leigh. She points out that most cheesecakes have a bready crust. Lightening strikes. That is my way out! The separate crust. Suddenly I race across the internet, looking for something. And I find it.
"A baked food having a filling of fruit, meat, pudding, etc., prepared in a pastry-lined pan or dish and often topped with a pastry crust"
And there it is. I'm safe. That is the definition of cheesecake. It's a sweet filling (sweet cream cheese in most cases) with a pastry crust. It's not topped, but it doesn't need to be. This, my friends, is the definition of
pie. Cheesecake has taken the two words, as I thought, and tied them together. Yes, it is called cheese
cake but cheesecake is a type of pie!
So, after all of my research I find out that cheesecake is a pie and that ice cream cake is really just ice cream. At best, ice cream cake is as close to cake as fish cakes and crab cakes. Which is not very. Pie and "low cake". These were my exceptions but now I can say for a fact that they are not true cakes.
What did all of this get me? Vindication? No. I wasn't out to prove people wrong. I wanted the truth. And the truth is I can say "I hate cake" with less ambivalence than ever.
But I
love ice cream cake.
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