Oh dear lord. There was much craziness. I feel I must post here just so I can stop telling the story again and again. Most of you have heard this/been there, but I need to get this out. This past weekend was defined by 2 events. Here is the first.
Breakfast Club
A bunch of us went out (Me, Al, Leigh, Chad, Kim, Katie) to the Breakfast Club. It's an 80's themed club in the area. We showed up early, got large drinks and waited for the place to fill up. It did. After a while on the dance floor I feel someone grinding behind me. This didn't shock me as it was crowded. Suddenly a pair of arms wrap around me and start touching me. This bothered me.
The girl in question stumbles around and stops before me, still grinding all the while. She is drunk. She is wearing a pin that says "Slut". I think she was with a bachelorette party. And she really wants to dance with me. I hold up my hand and point to my ring. "I'm taken," I shout, still smiling. She doesn't take this to mean 'I'm taken' but rather that I want her to come closer. She moves her face right up to mine. Very drunk. "What?" she says, not asking. "Let's dance."
Allison, at this point, is cracking up. At first everyone thought that I knew her. I run into people everywhere. Allison is starting to catch on. I think Leigh gets it at this point as well. Everyone else is wondering who she is. I manage to work my way into our circle and away from her. Leigh gets between us and she's back to her group. Katie and Kim look at me, wondering what that was all about. I lean in and shout the truth, "I'm too hot."
A while later and she's back. This girl is now drunker and more insistent than ever. "Hey! Dance with me!" She's pulling at me and (I've seen the picture) I have a disgusted look on my face. Everyone is now cracking up, knowing that she's just some stranger. I'm looking around desperately. I do the ring thing again and nothing. I try to pull Allison between us but she's so close I end up just tugging on Allison's wrist. Finally Leigh comes over and literally pulls her away. She says something to her, which I assume to be, "He's taken. With her. Do not touch!" The drunk girl's friend comes over (we shall call her 'not as drunk girl'), apologizes and they both leave. We continue to dance, and I find out my favourite Bon Jovi song is Uptown Girl. A good night was had by all.
Coney Island
There was an entire day of rediculosity at and around Coney Island. I could spend pages on the Russian Sushi That Almost Wasn't, but I won't. That story needs to be told in person. And probably by Allison. This part of the storey isn't about the rides. Or the people. Or even the food. Or getting lost in the subway. Or the great chicken fingers and kiwi margarita. No, this is a storey about sideshow freaks and me.
At one point during the day a few of us (Jamie, Sarah, Allison and me) ended up at the Coney Island Sideshow. I've never been to one of these in person before. Everyone else had. I swear, I was sitting on the bleachers with my elbows on my knees and my chin in my hands. Rapt attention. I cringed when the human blockhead hammered nails into his nose. I shifted uncomfortably when he used a power drill. The snake dance and the electric chair were fun, but I don't fear snakes and I've read way too much on Tesla to be freaked out by setting a torch on fire with your tongue. The fire eater was flat out amazing. Going beyond the simple act of eating fire, she'd hold it in her mouth for extended periods of time as well as simply set her mouth on fire. All to the beat of the music. Lovely.
The pinnacle for me was the sword swallower, Heather Holiday, simply because I was called up as a volunteer. After she swallowed a short sword (2 feet), she pulled out a 3 foot. She then chose me from the audience to come up and inspect the sword, as to confirm that it was not collapsible. I can assure you all that it was not. I was ready to get down from the stage when she tells the audience that I will then stay to prove that the act is real. I get nervous. She tells them what I am to do and then makes sure I feel comfortable with it. Comfortable isn't the right word but I sure as hell was up for the experience.
The act happened as follows: I stand next to her as she tilts her head back and swallows the sword. She then bends at the waist, keeping her back straight, and leans forward. She turns to me and winks. I then grab the handle of the sword and slowly pull it straight back. I can now check pulling a sword out of a woman's mouth from my list of things to do before I die.
The feeling was bizarre. You know how you can fell texture and resistance when you run an object along another object? Yeah, that all translated right up the sword. It was... completely different than anything I have ever done. I can't even image what it was like for her. Later, Sarah said that had she been called up, she wouldn't have done that part. I just find it hard to believe that Heather Holiday would trust a good number of strangers to pull swords out of her mouth each day.
Dear Diary,
Best weekend ever!
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