Books.  In your face!

At my job I get to listen to my MP3 player all day.  I figured that this would be a great time to delve into the world of Audio books.  And I have.  I work at a library so I can rip what I want, request what we don't have and I have accounts on 2 major library audio book repositories.  ListenNJ and NetLibrary.  See if your library accounts covers you there.  It's well worth it.  Side note: I've also delved into the world of fair use and rights management, but that's a whole other story.  Anyway, I thought that this would let me turn that Twain quote on its head and take a lot of books from my "want to have already read it" list to my "read it" list. 

And I find myself listening to crap.  I realized this on Monday, when a patron asked for a good book.  She wanted A Confederacy of Dunces.  We didn't have it, which is a crime, so she asked what good books I had read recently.  I froze.  Then I thought of one.  Then she said she didn't like sci-fi, so I shut up again.  Then I figured I could just tell her what I have recently read, but she told me that she didn't like westerns.  I had nothing to say.

And I realized how depressing that really is.  I try to keep 3 books open at all times.  Not literally, but I tend to have an audio book, a good book and a crappy 'before bed' book.  Recently they have all been crap.  Let me run through the list of what I've last listened to.  Remember, I can listen all day at work, so that's damn near 7 hours of multi-tasking uber-productivity and redundant-hyphens. 

Harry Potter, book 5 - Already read it.  Just wanted to catch up before the movie.

Harry Potter, book 6 - Already read it.  Almost couldn't make it through.  Don't get me wrong; I love the stories.  Her style, however, has not progressed nearly as fast as her plots or the actors pubescent development.  I think the movies have started surpassing the books definitely with movie 4, possibly with movie 3. 

Angels and Demons - Oh dear lord.  I thought the Da Vinci Code was bad.  It was, but it was nothing compared to this.  SPOILER ALERT: the secret killer is really the new pope-to-be, and the super twist is that his dad... was the old pope whom he killed!  Wow!  Honestly, I've found better reading material inside positive reviews of Battlefield Earth.  Really.

The Stainless Steele Rat - Good, light faire.  Oh, yeah, I read this already.  I was actually surprised at how much good material there was about crime mentality.  It's got a lot more actual cyberpunk in it than the movie Hackers.  Of course, so does my brief case that I take to work every day.  I mean, sure it's 60s science fiction.  sure, punch card technology hasn't come that far.  I just needed to not listen to any more Dan Brown.

The Gunslinger - When I get into a really good audio book, sometimes I zone out of my work for a minute.  I kept forgetting I was listening to an audio book with this one.  Honestly, Steven, not every physical of emotional sensation is felt through the groin.  Really.

Some novelization of Torchwood, the Dr. Who spin-off - Oh god, that's sad!  Please, someone, take my headphones away.

Drawing of the Three - Sweet Jesus, why do I do this to myself?  I'm a reasonably good person!  I don't deserve this!  I'm asking for help!

Yes, it dawned on me at the library that Monday that I've been filling my brain with crap.  That's like watching nothing but Fox, to clear you mind from watching Fox News.  No one should do that!  Hunter S. Thompson would cringe at the thought of putting all that into his body.  I ended up giving the patron a really good list.  I can post it later, if anyone wants.  The problem was, just like A Confederacy of Dunces, nearly every item on the list was on my To Read shelf, and not my Already Read shelf.  I've been 1/3 finished with my book on sting theory for a month now.  I've read some really terrible Star Wars novels.  Why have I stopped with the good?  Why can't I focus enough to put something worthwhile in my brain-hole?  I've got tons of non-fiction and classics.  Twain, Heller, BBC radio lecture series.  Do I want to spend an hour or so listening to a programme about a single number?  Hell yes, I do.  But I can't.  I've been recently conditioned for literary fast food.  But I want out!

So that's it.  I'm going to finish the book I'm currently on and then forcing something good into my head.  This has to stop.  How many of you out there would love the ability to knock back a book a week without losing any time?  It's a dream, no?  So why am I compulsively pissing it away?  Because it's easy.  I got into the habit.  Just like I've had problems stopping other things once I get started: sleeping pills, Super Mario World, arguing with proselytizing christians on street corners.  And now crap-fiction.  No longer.  I'm taking a stand.  Joseph Heller, here I come!


P.S.  Hi Mom.