Wolverine: Soultaker

       Normally I don't review comics I read.  There are a few I swear by (Transmet being one) and a bunch I simply enjoy.  There are also a lot I read and don't care about.  I get through about two graphic novels a day at work and have pretty much ready everything Marvel in the store.  I'm working my way through the better Batman as we speak.  But today I read Wolverine: Soultaker and knew I had to tell you about it.        It is, as far as I can recall, the worst comic I have ever read.  It's not just the style, the plot or the basic concepts they play with.  It's the combined gestalt of the work that destroys anything and everything that writers and artists have done since the first comic on the cave walls in Africa.  Don't believe it can be that bad?  At Amazon.com the summary reads as follows:

Like Ninjas? Zombies? Wolverine? Want to see Wolverine fight ninjas and zombies? Then this is the book for you! Wolverine returns to Japan only to get caught in the middle of an ancient war between gods and demons! Can Logan tip the balance for good - and save his soul, Japan and the world? And what does the mysterious Mark of Mana have to do with it? Collects Wolverine: Soultaker #1-5.

       Yes, it's that bad.  In the comic, Wolverine travels to Japan and unleashes the souls of two warring sister/gods out of a magical necklace.  Then, zombie-ninjas (both at the same time) come to like to track down the Sword of Blood, which houses the souls of the ancestors of the sisters.  With it, the evil sister can open a gateway to the demon realm and unleash them upon Earth because she was raised in the suburbs and likes to cause trouble when she's bored.  Wolverine, unbeknownst to the evil one, has his claws purified, blessed and covered in gold.  This is enough to destroy the bad sister and save everyone.  Oh, also, at the end one of Wolverine's friends shows up with a little girl.  The girl hears the sword whispering and the good sister is shocked.  Apparently only the descendants of her line can hear the souls inside!  Here we go again.... Hahaha.        Yeah, it would be funny except that's what the comic really is.  As a joke, it would be funny.  As a fanfic it would be typical.  As actual Marvel material it's depressing.  Yes folks, it's canon.  Accept it.  Marvel has published it.  Want to kill someone?  Me too.        My theory is someone wrote the fanfic, slept with everyone at Marvel and actually got it made.  That's all I can think of.  If you have a better theory, let me know.  Man, I don't even need to review this thing.  It's just pure tripe.  There is nothing to critique because... Well, imagine if you were an editor and someone handed you a manuscript.  Instead of ink, it was printed with actual human feces.  And the punctuation points are pubic lice.  Oh, and it's not original, it's just all of the exposition from every Stephen King story written in the 80s.  You're not going to say it's bad.  You're going to cry and run away from it.  That is my review.        So... full of rage.